Hold onto your hats as we whisk you away on a wild adventure with the charismatic Luke McGlue! Imagine a hidden backroom in the Lady Gay Saloon, brimming with peculiar jars and the air thick with anticipation. It’s a laughable escapade until the lights go out and bullets start to fly! If that’s not enough to get your pulse racing, we then introduce you to two intriguing doctors from around the globe who’ve arrived to hold a private lecture and examination.
In the second half, things get political with Luke McGlue’s radical program aimed at shifting the balance of power in the town. The Luke McGlue Special High Society Training Program isn't just a mouthful; it's a game changer, designed to hand the City Council and the new sheriff the reins. As we dissect the implications of this, you'll also find out how you, the townsfolk, could make a difference. The final twist? A local minister embroiled in a case of horse thievery! Prepare for a roller coaster of an episode packed with humor, chaos, and a sprinkle of mischief.
Return of the Great Hunters
Cattle Drives Website
Legends of Dodge City Website
Order Books
Hold onto your hats as we whisk you away on a wild adventure with the charismatic Luke McGlue! Imagine a hidden backroom in the Lady Gay Saloon, brimming with peculiar jars and the air thick with anticipation. It’s a laughable escapade until the lights go out and bullets start to fly! If that’s not enough to get your pulse racing, we then introduce you to two intriguing doctors from around the globe who’ve arrived to hold a private lecture and examination.
In the second half, things get political with Luke McGlue’s radical program aimed at shifting the balance of power in the town. The Luke McGlue Special High Society Training Program isn't just a mouthful; it's a game changer, designed to hand the City Council and the new sheriff the reins. As we dissect the implications of this, you'll also find out how you, the townsfolk, could make a difference. The final twist? A local minister embroiled in a case of horse thievery! Prepare for a roller coaster of an episode packed with humor, chaos, and a sprinkle of mischief.
Return of the Great Hunters
Cattle Drives Website
Legends of Dodge City Website
Order Books
The story you are about to hear is fictitious. The character and portions of the story are based on historical accounts. The story is told the way it might occur, through the realization of the times and from the perceptiveness of the character. The listener should take heed, as portions of this narrative contain adult humor and some content may not be suitable for younger listeners.
Speaker 1:My name is Luke Maglue, better recognized in southwest Kansas as a mischief maker. Most people who know me say I show immense charisma. I have a gift of putting a smile on a man's face, and when a man disagrees with me, I just turn on me elegance, with selected wit and a smile. Everything I do in life turns out in my favor, and important men surround me hoping some of my sparkles might rub off on them. I have this keen ability to spin a web of fascination around everyone who employs my humor. I'm a real charmer. I'm creative too. I'm good at playing out the abstracted confusion. In the same way, a midget is good at being sharp.
Speaker 1:Time passed over me in solitude and bardom during the month of October. The cattle drives were few and less each day, the saloons had grown empty and the gamblers left for Colorado. I spent me mornings reading the Daily Globe. I scanned the newspaper front and back to find an inspiring article to bring me back into a gaius mood. Every day the same news would appear the stories of vagrants around town, the need for city reform, legislatures making bad decisions and letters to the editors of dissatisfied community members. These were the same community members having little or no perspective about ways to solve the problems. They had become so insensitive to their complaints. Most were about the Dodge City gang and how bad Masterson should be replaced as Farrad County Sheriff. Then one day I found an interesting article announcing a Dr Meredith providing a lecture and examination on private diseases. The article further explained that Dr Meredith would be travelling with a Dr Shaft from the Netherlands, an expert in gynecology. Dr Shaft would have a rare display of artifacts on display and the event would be held at the Lady Gay Saloon. The article specified in need for privacy and only those who applied would be allowed to access this closed lecture. I rose up with excitement, put on my best dress and marched over to the Sheriff's office, or Bat Masterson happened to be selling tickets.
Speaker 1:I arrived the next morning at the Lady Gay Saloon only to find myself in a long line of men from Farrad County. Each was waiting to complete the needed paperwork before seeing the genuine doctors. Most were interested in seeing the doctor from the Netherlands After Sankha Shaft. While I stood idle in line, I saw a freighter wagon being unloaded into one of the back rooms at the Lady Gay Saloon. During this time I witnessed Dr Meredith coming out of the Dodge House, crossing over the tracks. He had two old ladies following him. When he reached the Bardwack, where I stood, a white haired lady holding a cane tapped Dr Meredith on the back. Sir, I am so looking forward to tomorrow's speech at the First Union Church. I heard you love old ladies. Quick as a flash, dr Meredith said I certainly do, but I also love them your age too. The good doctor then quickly left the two ladies standing on the barge walk. With a given impression, the doctor was eligible and ready for his next encounter.
Speaker 1:It took me about a half an hour to fill out the examination form before I was moved into a private room. Daring, the room with me was a strong scent of alcohol. The smell whirled around my head and it was not the kind you drink. I recognized an abundance of clear canisters of various sizes, all packed tightly in open casings. Each jar was labelled. I stared at one jar, squinting me eyes from a distance, and read what I thought to be a statement on the label Specimen 1276 Bull Testicles. May I's went to the next jar sitting on the floor. It was a huge jar. Printed on this jar was Specimen 9247 Japanese Dolphin Testicles. By golly I grinned to myself, thinking Dr Sankis Shaft must be a nut collector and I am in a room full of nuts.
Speaker 1:My curiosity started to get the best of me. I moved around the dark kerosene lit room and explored every jar in the space. Then I spotted the largest jar in the darkest corner of the room. It was hidden from sight and stood almost four feet tall. I taught to myself this must be the giant hunker of them all. I stooped over to read the label Specimen 1983 Blue Whale Testicle. I stepped back from the four foot jar to take it all in, thinking this specimen must be the largest test skill of any known creature on earth. I scratched me head, put my nose up to the oval canister and peered through the murky fluid. The specimen inside the jar must have been two and a half feet long and weighed at least a hundred pounds. I again laughed out, thinking no wonder these big guys always want to come up for air, them big blue balls, and airs is what keeps them down.
Speaker 1:By this time I had enough. I busted out of the isolated examining room. I danced across the floor holding on to me crotch, like I was riding a wild bull. I glanced over at the stage and witnessed a horrified look on Dr Meredith's face. He was approaching the podium where a substantial crowd had gathered Before the doctor could say his first words. I screamed out in the room hold on to your saddle-horns, boys, they're here to neuter you. I danced directly in front of the audience, screaming they have jars full of testicles in that room and none of them have a cowboy label on it. Moielle created a shouting match involving Masterson and the other men in the audience. A major disruption of the room ensued. The doctor was dragged from the podium. Soon after there was a crash. All the lamps went out at once and a noisy and raucous shootout commenced. When it was all over, the participants had all vanished from the hall, except Dr Meredith, who was cowering under the speaker stand with a bullet hole in the crown of his hat. The good doctor from the Netherlands was never seen on this day, but his collection of treasures remained on the floor in a flood of alcohol amongst the bullet shattered glass.
Speaker 1:It was on a hot summer day in June of 1877 when I met the minister of the Union Church, reverend Armand W Wright. The kind Reverend was riding out of town on his favorite pony. He told me. The Texas pony was purchased and delivered to him by James Langston. The Reverend said he was grateful for Mr Langston's offer. The pony allowed him to visit members of his church and to help spread the gospel. The Reverend expressed his pleasure with the gentle animal and said he had become very fond of this creature. It gives me so much pleasure to mount up daily on such an earthly treasure, he said with grand contentment. The Reverend glanced over at me harsh and said Luke, that sure is a fine horse you were riding Well. Thank you, reverend.
Speaker 1:I said this is my second horse this week. I saw the first one for a healthy price, but the owner got mad as hell at me. So I decided to buy this one to get out of Moe Beatty before the Marshal came to see me. Bill of sale, how about your horse? I asked. The Reverend told me how he would ride out over the verdant prairie to breathe into fragrant air and how his time on the prairie allowed him to renew his spiritual strength. Moe's strength with God is now renewed and the pong of the air in Dodge City is now motley-revoked from my senses. He says these daily trots provide me with fresh vigor and peace with the world around me.
Speaker 1:I began to think of myself when the Reverend was telling his spiritual harsh story. Nothing was this sacred or as illustrious as one of my Luke-Miglue pranks. Where are you riding off to, I asked. I'm riding over to the Lancaster farm. He said how many acres does the Lancaster have, I asked? The Reverend countered by a proudly stating Mr Lancaster has over 150 acres of ratcheland. This made me swell up inside and I said you know, reverend, I used to have lots of land. Every morning I would ride my horse all day and I could never reach the end of my property. I'm sorry to learn this, luke, replied the Reverend. I used to have a horse just like that. Now I have this fine pony. The Reverend smiled and used his reins to turn his horse away from me. He then lightly spurred his horse, giving a gesture of two clicks, and off he rode.
Speaker 1:Now, with Reverend's ending statement, I thought to myself maybe I should become an Atari's horse thief today, after the Reverend rode off, I decided to steal the preacher's horse. I thought to myself. This would leave him in a spasm of grief. He could not be consoled if his prize pony disappeared. This would teach him not to pose any more bad impressions of me, especially when it came to my ability to select fine horses. I now relish the idea. Taking the Reverend's pony would be my next practical joke.
Speaker 1:The next morning, reverend Ride was seen running down Front Street and across the tracks yelling Where's the sheriff? Someone get the sheriff for me. And no good thief has taken my pony. A deputy sheriff who was in on the joke saw the fast approach in Reverend, headed in the direction of his office. The deputy stepped out into the street before the Reverend could come inside. This was done because the deputy did not want the marshal to know about the stolen pony. The deputy told the Reverend that the culprit who stole his pony had been found. The deputy asked Reverend Ride whether the criminal should be shot or hanged. Momentarily, ride struggled between the urge for revenge and his sense of Christian forgiveness. But the Reverend figured out immediately. The crook was none other than Luke Maglue, and his good-natured response earned him a place with Maglue's gang of men.
Speaker 1:My reputation is Luke Maglue rose rapidly in Dodge City Society from Harstief to Mayer. Reports of Mayfame was recorded in many a newspaper article, including Mayfame, as posting on the Depot building. It was my official announcement as mayor. The 1878 newspaper article pronounced Me, luke Maglue, mayor of Dodge City. The article gave an official declaration that I, luke Maglue, would enforce the vagrant law, thereby warning traps who infest those quarters.
Speaker 1:Referring to this notification was a referendum stating that all townspeople could be trained in the Luke Maglue Special High Society Training Program. Those trained individuals will have the sole purpose of giving the members of City Council and a new sheriff more SHIT than any other town in Kansas. If you feel, as a member of this community, that you would like to participate in this program, please contact Luke Maglue, the new mayor, and he will place your name on his shit list. The article concludes by stating that this was a timely action by Luke Maglue and there is hope that he will extend his authority over the city. Thank you for listening to our podcast. If you have any comments or want to add to our series. Please write us at Wild West Podcast at gmailcom. We will share your thoughts as they apply to future episodes.